“IF YOU DO NOT STOP CRYING I WILL FEED YOU TO THE TRUCK!”
Awwww, family ❤
Oh hey Connor. Are you here for your new daughter or did you just want to get your feet removed?
“Isn’t she beautiful?”
“I still think you should’ve named her Hedwig.”
“Okay, goodnight sweetie.”
Let’s try that again.
“What is that thing?”
“I don’ like it.”
Yes. Fix it.
“..I don’t get it.”
“Am I doin’ it right?”
“I have magically developed the power of speech just so I can hate you out loud.”
CONNOR TIGHTEN YOUR GRIP. D:
“Burrito for me?”
“Here. Food. Stop trying to eat your young now, ‘kay?”
“Booooooo! I don’t know you but you’re the worst!”
“Thanks for the moodlet, asshole.”
“I sense that the negative moodlet I gave your founder finally went away. HAVE ANOTHER AJBDKJAHDKJDH.”
“But… But this is my home now!”
-resetsim Connor Frio-
“Marry me so I have enough lifetime happiness points to get the “murder a relative for cash” reward and move us somewhere with a locking door?”
“Eh, ok. BRB gotta deal with some baby poop first.”
I’m preeeetty sure this is against the rules but I think they already broke them by making a baby while I wasn’t looking. Notmyfaultshhhhh.
I was going to build them an underground lair but then my OCD tried to strangle me so I made over a base game house! This is actually legal in a Random Legacy which may or may not be the reason I chose to do one.
And by “may or may not” I mean it totally is.
… Tour time?
… Tour time!
Varmoire’s bedroom is completely unremarkable and un-noteworthy save for the ominous makeover corner.
“Look into my depths!”
The hallway is guarded by Smustleface.
Varmoire apparently believes in efficient traumatization.
Lenny the Evil Freezer Bunny’s mouth is just the right size for a toddler, isn’t it?
“I don’t bite!”
“No! I CHOMP!”
Ah. Well that’s okay then.
Lamp: You didn’t make me maaatch.
Get out of my shot and shut up. Only cool inanimate objects get dialogue.
This is where Vanity and Armoire occasionally get two minutes of sleep. I don’t know where the painting came from so I’m just going to assume it came from Vanity’s elven kin.
And here’s the classy as shit dining room. The table is glass so Armoire can see and slaughter all the germs and the chairs are placed far apart because if anyone accidentally spit on her while eating she’d probably boil herself alive.
The living room clashes far too wonderfully to be changed and the kitchen and bathroom are a kitchen and bathroom.
“The grain of the wood has an irregular pattern and the border on the wall is just a little bit too light to match and one of my eyebrows is raised more than the other and-“
I gave her a makeover to match her new crazed housewife personality.
“My back feels crooked.”
You have something on your face.
“Hee hee. Baby.”
“Step back a little, you’re breathing on her.”
Vanity, what did you-
Vanity: I think I broke it. Do I get, like, insurance money for this?
Endtable: ❤ !
Armoire: I don’t know whether to hide my baby or myself.
Everyone looks exhausted and grumpy and mad and Endtable’s all “I love my family and the camera and life! I’m a baby! Gaa goo yayyyy!”
“Honey, I find the evil rambling a lot more endearing when it isn’t about me.”
“Why do I have to be the one to watch them”?”
Because you’re psychotic and get flooded with happy moodlets every time you see your children cry.
“Sometimes I like to just stand over them and laugh.”
Um, Armoire? Wanna take over?
Hey, guys, let’s play a round of Would You Rather!
Would you rather be stuck in a small cage with…
… or Lucky?
“I looooove yoooou…”
Vanity, did you drop him again?
“They’re sparkly like my soul!”
Shh, nobody’s taught you to talk yet.
Oh, wowee! He look just like his mom! What an unbelievable surprise.
“Come luff me?”
I think she only finds you interesting when you’re in pain.
Actually, this sounds like the set up to one of Connor’s fics.
Would You Rather round two!
Would you rather be murdered by Fluffs or Robo-Bearbot?
“I’m coming to loooove you…”
You cut that shit out.
“Iss ‘kay. Yew don’ havta feed me ‘r luk at me ‘r let me owt ‘r anythin’…”
“Pssst. Hey, kid. Open your mouth and I’ll toss you some scraps.”
“… I’m not sure how I feel about this.”
“Hey baby, I’m going to teach you about the world.”
“The dark, dangerous world where everything and everyone is trying to kill you.”
“THIS HAND REPRESENTS THE UNIVERSE.”
“Aaaaah iss tryin’ tah get me!”
“It’s okay, baby. Nevereverevereverever leave my sight and everything will be just fine.”
“Can you say pooooond?”
“Good! Stay away from ‘em or geese will drown and eat you.”
“Can you say disssssk?”
“Great! Don’t look directly at them or you’ll get distracted and cut your cute widdle head off!”
“Can you say police?”
“P’weese men! An’ women!”
“That’s right, Endtable. Well, they follow you alllll the time and the very second you leave my side after dark they’ll swoop in and grab you!”
She’s right about this one actually.
“Can you say diiiishes?”
“Good! Now Mommy has to go and wash them right now or the flies will come and we’ll allllll die!”
“Making sure I stretch all of the corners of my mouth evenly.”
Oh of course.
This picture is included to a. cleverly segue from night to day and b. show how badly Endtable’s just been traumatized.
“Everythin’ wanns me dead!”
Doormat gets a cake because I feel guilty about her name.
“VANITY YOUR STINK CLOUD IS GOING TO EAT MY BABY.”
“It’s not a stink cloud. It’s just my fabulousness literally overflowing!”
Holy crap she’s PURPLE. I thought she was a weird off-grayish color. Also, she doesn’t look exactly like Vanity!
“Get oudda mah face, sparklies.”
“Teach me to walk so I can stomp on things.”
This post didn’t have a proper intro so I’m not doing a proper ending either. Nyeeeeh.